20 Feb 2016

Nervous! Who, me?

The first month of this year has whizzed past very quickly and only you come into sharp focus amidst  all the blurred images and people. The two sets of parents are meeting soon to talk about inane details like venue, caterers, guest list, customs and so on. That we don't belong to the same "caste" would probably be a white elephant in the room. Maybe. I don't know how these things work. At nearly 30, my only tryst with getting close to the 'M' word is with you.

As it goes, I can't remember when I mentally transitioned you from crush to boyfriend to fiance to husband to the nucleus of my universe; but time lapses around you have been so frequent, that I don't pause recollect any of the moments...I'm as much in the now as I am in our future.

A wedding is merely means of celebrating the vows we've already taken. A certificate from the Government is means of confirming the commitment we already honor. A traditional exchange of rings, unnecessary and a ceremonial mangalsutra, redundant.

I'm constantly amazed by how I already feel married to you. When you hold me close and call me your wife, I can only feel warmth till the tip of my toes. Being around you, talking to you about mundane things, falling in a rhythm of the everyday is a glorious experience for me. If it wasn't you, the very word would have sent me propelling backwards in a spiral of terrified thoughts in frozen feet. But your presence fills me up with faith that no hesitation nor uncertainty has dared to cross.

It is easy to take off your clothes and have sex. But to be open, letting a person in to your hopes, dreams and future - baring your soul - being completely naked, is singularly rare and cherished. I can be utterly helpless and absolutely strong around you - the paradox is not lost on me. I like knowing that you are unabashedly guileless and remarkably worldly around me. I want to inspire the same underlying foundation of trust that you have inspired in me.

In the metaphorical bubble of life, with you, a lifetime isn't enough. I demand more from the universe. Several lifetimes in parallel universes ought to do the trick.